I am still kind of floating in air, not really aware what exactly happened, but I am finally starting to feel present and... okay.
A New First - Getting Fired for the First Time
Starting with the most important - I am not at the farm anymore.
After feeling -let's say lousy in a lack of a better word - and dissatisfied about many things, but most importantly about often feeling belittled and judged by my boss we finally had the talk that I was afraid of for some time. Everything escalated really quickly and...huh.
I am not sure how much of it I want to disclose.
But I will say that it was very hard for me, being accused of many things and having a kind of conversation in which I did not feel respected or heard at all.
Communication was far from perfect from my side as well. I realized later that I also got defensive when encountering the aggressiveness from other side, and exaggerated the burden I felt. Or rather put the blame too much.
I cried. A lot. I could not stop crying almost whole day.
I've been working a lot on feeling good with my emotions and not being afraid to show my vulnerability.
But in this moment I really hated my tears. Crying so much that I could not communicate my views and feelings made me feel so weak and powerless.
I wished I was stronger. I decided I will become stronger.
As I was slowly putting the pieces of myself back in place in the end of the day, thinking of how I can resolve the situation and not run away from the problems, I got the message that I am not really welcomed to stay anymore.
Fuf! After the first sting of anger and hurt I immideatly starting searching for a new place to go. In the next few days I finished some projects I was working on and packed my stuff. Days were filled with reflecting on my flaws and my part of the blame in this whole situation.
And I have to say that I understood the other side but it still hurt a lot having the ice cold farewell (or rather lack of it) after everything that happened in four months that we spent living and working together.
However hard the whole situation was, I recognized promptly that it was for the better, that it was what had to happened.
I was tired and I needed a change. So I got it. It smacked me in the face and punched me in the gut, but I got it. The world was waiting for me, filled with possibilites!
I became very excited :)
And I was not homeless for one second because, of course, I am always surrounded with incredible people full of love.
Saturday lunch @ casa de Edu
Village Life Adventures
So one call to Eduardo, my 66 y.o. Spanish friend that has a house on the north part of the island, he very warmly invited me to come over and stay in his garden for as long as I want to.
This amazing camper became my very own kingdom for a week.
Yo dawg, I heard you are freezing in Europe hehe
I helped out Edu with improving his composting system, pruning fruit trees, weeding and planting.
It was really really nice, but I did felt a bit out of place - hanging out with a couple whose biggest concerns right now are buying new washing machine, wardrobes and organic food from the capital. Edu and Diana just met recently so they are sweet talking each other all time. From early in the morning to late at night you can hear them laughing to each others jokes. Very cute.
OMG, and it was HILARIOUS when I went down to the village to catch some wifi on two occasions. The village I was in is absouletly beautiful, but it is full of abandoned houses because it is not really popular with newcomers. German people rather choose to live more south, were there is already some communities of foreigners.
So the village counts around 120 souls and news travel fast. I was there in the cultural centre/pub, where a bunch of old guys plays domino every day, hanging out with the local crazy guy nicknamed Gadafi, a drunk guy that was trying to buy me some beer and a young mum that wanted me to meet her uncle ("he's got everything: a house, a car and a job, just misses a wife!"). I had to say to the poor guy I am too busy right now hah.
Reality is not easy for people here. I was playing with a little boy that was looking very bored and he told me that his dad sleeps a lot everyday. When asking him doesn't his dad have to wake up to go to work early he said his father is jobless for a couple of months now and it is impossible to get him out of the bed.
Trading the vast green mountains and overlooking the blue ocean, with the sounds of frogs from the pounds and big leafs of malanga that was my scenery the past week for a bit more of "city" life.
I came to a lovely pension/ centre for yoga retreats where I will work for... until I like it here! So far so good, the new boss is cool. She is a Waldorf teacher/psychologist and has friends coming all the time. In just a day and a half I've already met a bunch of people.
I am enjoying seeing how much knowledge and ideas I have right now, and that I am actually capable of carrying out lots of actions and disegns in the garden that I had no idea about just a couple of months ago.
Today the boss invited her friend that has a biodinamic farm nearby to give her some advice and when she saw the level on which we were discussing things she said: "What, I thought you are studying political science, not gardening. You actually know things!!" Hahahah.
Soon I will write you about what I have planned after my stay here. But let it be a mystery until I have it a bit more prepared :)
Grateful Grateful Grateful
For the ups and downs and learning from every step of the journey.
For hanging out with the wise Miss Loneliness.
For incredibly amazing Alex, Jeff, Sandra, Fran and Kevin, people who gave me so much love during this whole month. Learning something new from these guys - be it more of Spanish swear words (which I thought was ok to use in everyday conversations, but seems like no, thanks guys haha), how to construct a dome or how to be incredibly full of love and joy - every single day.
And for the sprinkles of rain at night when I go to pee and the full moon that keeps me up and forces me to read more!
Sending positive vibes to you, my friends and wishing you an amazing week ahead